Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
