You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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