You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
