Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
