I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
