what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
