She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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