When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
