Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
