1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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