Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
