oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
