Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
