1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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