I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
