i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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