New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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