I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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