I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
