she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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