oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
