stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
