glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
