I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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