guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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