try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
