I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
