We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
