hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
