we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
