You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
