Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
