Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
