i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
