listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
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