If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
