you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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