I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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