New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
