I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
