I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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