I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
