And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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