kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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