got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
