dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
