You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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