atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
