im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
false alarm, still single
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
