i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
