And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
