You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
