Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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