Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
