Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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