Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Randomize
