I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
false alarm, still single
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